It’s been a while! Well the year didn’t have a good start. In February my grandmother past away. It was weird because I heard of everyone saying she was sick, but I never knew how bad it was. I just assumed it was because she had diabetes. I remember that phone call. I felt so numb. We just started going to Mexico. It’s sad that after two decades of my dad not seeing his mom, he only saw her for her last three Christmases. I know my dad had plans of being down in Mexico for a whole month, but God had other plans.
I was hiding my sadness and just moving on to the next project at work. Here comes April and my son’s Godfather accidentally shoots himself to the head. That was a really hard hit! It felt so surreal how everything felt like my world was caving in. Like why was I going through this. Who was next? Just weeks apart at that. It’s the beginning of October and I still feel the sadness. Being that it is October and Day of the Dead is around the corner, it would be a good year to start celebrating. I’ve never in my life had I lost two people so close.
My dad has intentions of going to Mexico for Day of the Dead. I think it’s a great idea, but it’s approaching fast. The last time we flew down, my dad was complain of some pain. I’m not losing anyone so I made a deal with him. If he really wants to fly out, he will need to get a complete physical and have a doctor approved note that it is OK to fly. I just got him some insurance so he doesn’t have to pay everything out of pocket. He wants me to go with him and I would happily go, but should I take off from work? Every time I’m off there’s always a problem. I’m not even exaggerating. I received a text to reply to some emails while I was at my son’s godfather’s funeral! The other part of me is telling me to be rebellious. I mean family first right! If I go, should I take my son who has been wanting to go back since the last time and have him miss school? It’s a lot to think about.
I’m so happy it’s the beginning of holiday season! I was talking to my son’s father and he agrees with my that we should have a white Christmas for our son. I mean splitting the cost with someone is always better, right? I’ve started playing Christmas music since the beginning of September. Just the idea that I have plans to look forward to. This is the year that i’m going on the cruise! It also happens to be in December.
Little does my son know that I’m taking him to Disneyland in three weeks! I haven’t told my family because I wanted it to be a mommy and son thing. I don’t want to hear “I wanna go to”, “how much are the tickets?” etc. My family doesn’t really initiate anything so when someone else does, they ask you a million questions and some how you become the appointed coordinator. It’s already happen with the cruise. Lesson learned. Any who, my son has been asking for weeks. I told him for his next birthday we can go, but I scored a good deal that I couldn’t pass up. Did y’all know that you can make payments on a Spirit flight. I know I could have paid off $250 roundtrip to LAX for both of us, but the idea that I don’t and I can pay it off monthly and it won’t affect me sounds like a better deal. That’s going to be a quick weekend getaway. We will be leaving Saturday morning and as soon as we land we are heading strait to the hotel and then Disneyland. We may visit family the next day only because they will be upset that we didn’t. It seems like a tiring weekend, but with the fun going on that we are actually going, we may forget about it.
Now here’s the kicker news that tops everything. Although I don’t think it’s true, my childhood friend told me that my dad may not be my biological dad. I knew that our parents were best friends. That would mean they have shared secrets. After we moved and they fell off (mostly my dad not wanting us to have much contact) it could be why the secrets could come out now. My friend hear it from the parents. To me that seems pretty credible. He asked “I bet your aunt has never liked you”. Yes he was right, but how could he know. All I could say was “I mean we have different personalities”. He then tells me “it’s because you don’t look like your dad so you’re the other kid, but I still talk to the person who may be your father”. I did get curious, but I was firm that he was full of it I mean my dad signed the birth certificate. The more I thought about it, it could explain why he had another kid right after me. My sister and I are 11 months apart. I once told my best friend, who is a guy, that I thought I was pregnant and I didn’t want to be, but I’m anti-abortion. He told me that we could get married, but I would have to have his baby right after. Could this be what my parents did? I’ve always heard that I look like my mom and I didn’t question why I don’t look like other siblings. That’s where I’m at right now. I haven’t seen a picture of the other potential. In a way is like why would I complicate what I already have. I think it would be so awkward walking around the house with everyone knowing I don’t belong. I only told my son’s dad. He’s still my friend and he’s the only person I know I can confide in. He said if it were the case, why not meet them. I was against this because I only know my world and to be the other child in some one else’s house. No thanks!
I just needed to vent and I hope to have pictures next time 🙂
Rants and Raves 